I just spent the last 45 minutes posting all of my roommate’s belongings to craiglist. When I get the emails interested in a “20 dollar PS3 and Xbox 360 combo” as well as “Brand new mattress, takes up too much space, please take for 5 dollars” I look forward to handing out his number…
“She don’t believe in rice and corn
but she believe in filet mignon.
What’s that in the glove compartment?
Fresh clams from the ocean market
You more like leaving tips
I more of the “you got a quarter, huh?”
Ordered the value meal, “I’ll take a water”
Straight from the glance of a drive-thru order”—Hilarious Tumblr.
“The double standard between men and women can be best explained by my grandfather as so: A key that opens a bunch of locks, is a master key. But a lock that can be opened by a bunch of keys, is a shitty lock.”—Tucker Max